Eyes Down
by The Dark Knight's Revenge
Summary: Tristan Prior thirsts to look around his world, to see more than he can with his eyes cast downward. His brother didn't understand how he felt. A fighter trapped in a stiff body. A fierce lover afraid of becoming intimate with another man.
1. Chapter 1

There is one mirror in my house. It is behind a sliding panel in the hallway upstairs. Our faction allows me to stand in front of it on the second day of every third month, the day my mother cuts my hair.

I sit on the stool and my mother stands behind me with the scissors, trimming my already short blonde hair. The little splinters fall on the floor, creating a fine dust on the floor.

I sneak a look at my reflection when she isn't paying attention - not for the sake of vanity, but out of curiosity. A lot can happen in three months.

In my reflection, I see a narrow face, wide, round eyes, and a long, thin nose - I look like a bit like a little girl, though sometime in the last few months I turned sixteen, almost a man. The other factions celebrate birthdays, but we don't. It would be self-indulgent.

"There," she says when she sets the scissors down. Her eyes catch mine in the mirror. It is too late to look away, but instead of scolding me, she smiles at our reflection. I frown a little. Why doesn't she reprimand me for staring at myself?

"So today is the day," she says.

"Yes," I reply.

"Are you nervous?"

I stare into my own eyes for a moment. Today is the day of the aptitude test that will show me which of the five factions I belong in. And tomorrow, at the Choosing Ceremony, I will decide on a faction; I will decide the rest of my life; I will decide to stay with my family or abandon them.

"No," I say. "The tests don't have to change our choices."

"Right." She smiles. "Let's go eat breakfast."

"Thank you for cutting my hair."

She kisses the top of my head and slides the panel over the mirror. We walk together to the kitchen. On these mornings when my brother makes breakfast, and my father's hand ruffles my hair as he reads the newspaper, and my mother hums as she clears the table - it is on these mornings that I feel guiltiest for wanting to leave them.

I'm staring aimlessly out the window, dawdling, when my brother walks by me on his way downstairs.

"Eyes down." He reminds me. I bow my head and follow him.

* * *

The bus stinks of exhaust. Every time it hits a patch of uneven pavement, it jostles me from side to side, even though I'm gripping the seat to keep myself still. I keep my eyes down but sometimes they slide up to look at what's around me.

My older brother, Caleb, stands in the aisle, holding a railing above his head to keep himself steady. We don't look alike. He has my father's dark hair and hooked nose and my mother's green eyes and dimpled cheeks. When he was younger, that collection of features looked strange, but now it suits him. If he wasn't Abnegation, I'm sure the girls at school would stare at him.

He also inherited my mother's talent for selflessness. He gave his seat to a surly Candor man on the bus without a second thought.

The gaps between the buildings narrow and the roads are smoother as we near the heart of the city. The building that was once called the Sears Tower - we call it the Hub - emerges from the fog, a black pillar in the skyline. The bus passes under some elevated tracks. I have never been on a train, though they never stop running and there are tracks everywhere. Only the Dauntless ride them.

Caleb's expression is placid as the bus sway and jolts on the road. The gray robe falls from his arm as he clutches a polle of balance. I can tell by the constant shift of his eyes that he is watching the people around us - striving to see only them and to forget himself. Our faction, Abnegation, values selflessness.

The bus stops in front of school and I get up, scooting past the Candor man. I grab Caleb's arm as I stumble over the an's shoes. My slacks are too long.

The Upper Levels building is the oldest of the three schools in the city: Lower Levels, Mid-Levels, and Upper Levels. Like all the other buildings around it, it is made of glass and steel. In front of it is a large metal sculpture that the Dauntless climb after school,, daring each other to go higher and higher. Last year I watched on of them fall and break her leg. I was the one who ran to get the nurse.

"Aptitude tests today." I say. Caleb is not quite a year older than I am, so we are in the same year at school. He nods as we pass through the front doors.

"Eyes down." He reminds me. I bow my head.

My muscles tighten the second we walk in. The atmosphere feels hungry, like every sixteen-year-old is trying to devour as much as he can get out of this last day. It is likely that we will not walk these halls again after the Choosing Ceremony - Once we choose, our new factions will be responsible for finishing our education.

"Worried, brother?" I ask Caleb. My heart rate is already elevated; I can only imagine how nervous I would be in a few hours after our half classes were over and we were on our way to the Testing.

We pause at the split in the hallway where he will go one way, toward Advanced Math, and I will go the other, toward Faction History.

He raises his eyebrow at me. "Are you?"

I could tell him I've been worried for weeks about what the aptitude test will tell me - Abnegation, Candor, Erudite, Amity, or Dauntless? Instead I force a one-sided smile and wave him off.

"Have a good day." Caleb says, mirroring my half-smile. "And remember, eyes down."

I walk toward Faction History, chewing on my lower lips. He never answered my question.

The hallways are cramped, though the light coming through the windows creates the illusion of space; they are one of the only places where the factions mix, at our age.

Today the crowd has a new kind of energy, a last day mania.

A girl with long curly hair shouts "Hey!" next to my ear, waving at a distant friend. A jacket sleeve smacks me on the cheek. Then an Erudite boy in a blue sweater shoves me. I lose my balance and fall hard on the ground.

"Out of my way, Stiff." He snaps, and continues down the hallway.

My cheeks warm. I get up and dust myself off. A people stopped when I fell, but none of them offer to help me. Their eyes follow me to the edge of the hallway. This sort of thing has been happening to others in my faction for months now.

The Erudite have been releasing antagonistic reports about Abnegation, and it has begun to affect the way we relate at school. The gray clothes, the plain hairstyle, and the unassuming demeanor of my faction are supposed to make it easier for me to forget myself, and easier for everyone else to forget me too. But now they make me a target.

I pause by a window in the E Wing and wait for the Dauntless to arrive. I do this every morning. At exactly 7:25, the Dauntless prove their bravery by jumping from a moving train.

My father calls the Dauntless "hellions." CThey are pierced, tattooed, and black clothed. Their primary purpose is to guard the fence that surrounds our city. From what, I don't know.

They should perplex me, but instead my eyes cling to them wherever they go.

The train whistle blares, the sound resonating in my chest. The light fixed to the front of the train clicks on and off as the train hurtles past the school, squealing on iron rails. And as the last few cars pass, a mass exodus of young men and women hurl themselves from the train, sime dropping and rolling, others stumbling a few steps before regaining their balance. A pair of brothers throw arms across each other's shoulders and saunter to the door of the school, laughing.

Watching them is a foolish practice. I turn away from the window and press through the crowd to the Faction History classroom, remembering _eyes down._


	2. Chapter 2

The tests begin after lunch. We sit at the long tables in the cafeteria, and the test administrators call ten names at a time, one for each testing room. I sit next to Caleb.

The test administrators are mostly Abnegation volunteers, although there is an Erudite in one of the testing rooms and a Dauntless in another to test those of us from Abnegation, because the rules state that we can't be tested by someone from our own faction. The rules also say that we can't prepare for the test in any way, so I don't know what to expect.

After a moment, Caleb is called away. I sit and wait patiently until it is my turn. Caleb knows where he belongs, he always has. Always lecturing me about giving to others and keeping to the Abnegation ways.

To my surprise, Caleb comes back ten minutes later pale and sweaty. I move to touch his arm, but-

"Tristan Prior." A voice says from the doorway. I try to catch Caleb's eye as I pass him, but he is looking away. I wipe my sweaty palms on my pant legs and try not to shake.

I enter one of the ten rooms used for the aptitude tests. A Dauntless woman waits for me. She looks less severe than other Dauntless I have seen, but something about her reminds me of a cat about to pounce.

Mirrors cover the entirety of the room and I am surprised at how I look. That time in the mirror with my mother seems so long ago - I look even paler and less rested, exactly how I feel. It is unnerving to see my reflection all around me.

"Don't worry. It doesn't hurt." The woman says. "Have a seat, my name is Tori."

I settle back into the testing chair, willing myself calm. I notice that Tori has the shape of a hawk tattooed on her neck when she turns around.

"What does the hawk mean to you?" I blurt before I can stop myself.

"Never met a curious Abnegation before." She replies. I flush. Caleb would scold me for losing control of my tongue.

"In some parts of the ancient world, the hawk symbolizes the sun. I figured that if I always had the sun on me, I wouldn't be afraid of the dark."

"Afraid of the dark?" I ask, again too hasty with my words.

"I used to be." she says, placing the necessary electrodes on both of our foreheads.

"Drink this." She says, holding out a vial.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Can't tell you that. Trust me and drink it."

I do. And my eyes close.

I know my eyes haven't opened, but I am awake inside my head. Mist is swirling around me. I squint, realizing it's a redundant action because my eyes aren't really open. But it works, and shapes begin to materialize around me.

The first thing I feel is fear. My heart is racing even though I know it isn't really.

Up ahead, I see a shadow, and I move towards it. It's a man. His back is to me. My first instinct is to talk to him, but I hold my tongue and wait. He doesn't turn to me.

Suddenly I see a spot of red fall to the ground at his feet. Then another and another. He's dripping blood from some unknown wound at his side. I moved towards him, quietly. The red is becoming a puddle.

The hairs stand up on the back of my neck, and I suddenly know what to do. I run towards the man and leap on his shoulders, pulling my arms tight around his neck. He flails, chokes, and sinks to the floor. I hold on until he is still. I look down. The man's face and mouth are covered in blood and a wicked grin stares up at me. I feel a sick twist in my stomach, but I know I did the right thing. The scene shifts.

Now I am facing a man across a chessboard. His dark eyes are staring patiently at me. I look at the board. I am in check. Lifting one of my pieces, I move swiftly across the board and put him in checkmate. His eyes narrow. The scene shifts again.

I am laying on my back in a bed. The ceiling above me is white. I feel a gentle pressure on the bare skin of my abdomen and realize that I am naked. I look down. Another man is laying across me, also naked. My skin crawls, I want to push him off and cover myself, these things are not meant for two men, but I force myself to take a breath and lay still. He moves closer, sliding a hand over my thigh. I lean down and press my lips to his -

"Tristan." Tori's sharp voice pulls me back to consciousness. There is a needle sticking out of my arm. Tori is staring at me, breathing hard.

"D-did I do okay?" I realized I was sweating. I must have been thrashing around. "D-did you see anything?"

"I saw everything." Tori said smoothly, her face closed off.

"And? Where do I go? What aptitude do I have?" My words spilled out of my mouth. Tori's expression was making me nervous.

"Tristan, I want you to listen to me very carefully. You are Divergent. It means that you don't have an aptitude. You can choose any faction. But under no circumstances should you tell anyone, do you hear me?"

I couldn't breathe.

"Do you hear me?"

I forced myself to nod. To stand. To exit the room. To go back out to the waiting room. To leave the school. I felt sick inside, like the time my parents had showed us how they prepared the chicken for dinner, chopping its head off and draining all the blood.

Caleb fell in step next to me, his face blank and expressionless. We boarded the bus together exactly as we'd arrived. While we waited in our seats for the bus to pull away from the curb, my eyes wandered to the train tracks across the street. A train was just beginning to pull away, the students from Dauntless heaving themselves on it as it crawled along the track.

"Eyes down." My brother reminded me. I bowed my head, staring at my hands.

 _Divergent._

I felt sick.


End file.
